Dear ____, Please ______

When I was single and living with some of the greatest girls on the planet, I had a roommate named Mandy who loved the website "Dear (blank) Please (blank)". The website was just a bunch of people writing really funny things that they wish would happen, or not happen. I have a few to summarize my day/week/current status in life, and it will serve as an update for you. Aren't you lucky?

Dear boy across from me at the library,
Yes, we can all see you picking your nose. And yes, we noticed when you 'stretched' and flicked it who knows where. Please stop picking your nose.
Sincerely,
Grossed out

Dear baby,
I haven't seen you in 8 weeks or heard you in 4. Please keep growing and getting strong. I wouldn't mind a kick in the tummy in the next couple of weeks here, either. Just a little reminder for me, yeah?
Love,
Mom

Dear husband,
Please don't change a thing. I love you.
Love,
Lil' Nitz

Dear weekend,
PLEASE HURRY UP I BEG OF YOU.
Always,
Anxious

Dear people interested in renting our apartment,
One of you PLEASE listen to me and trust me when I say that we have a good deal, and that it's worth it to buy the contract early. That's what we did, and I'm so so glad we did. Also, please call instead of text. Oh, and please tell me your names so that when you come to see the house it's not awkward. Well, not THAT awkward.
Sincerely,
Desperate Apartment Leaser

Dear Rexburg,
Enough with the wind, huh? Your sunshine is quite sufficient to cheer me up, but I could really do without the wind. Please desist, just for a few hours.
Sincerely,
Wind blown

Dear baby,
 Hey, it's me again! Please make me have a craving for chocolate cake or something terrible that is a real pregnancy craving so that I can have a legitimate excuse to get off this dessert fast.
Love,
Sugar mama. Rather, lack of sugar mama

Dear audience,
Please don't hate me for never posting pictures.
Love,
Boring