Dreams

I've realized lately that maybe there's something wrong with me. You know how people have things that they're just super passionate about and would sacrifice a lot of things to be/do/have/see? Well...I'm struggling to find that thing. My niche. My life goal. My dream, if you will.

I used to be involved in photography. But I think before I even realized it, my sub conscious screamed "DON'T! YOU MIGHT NOT BE GOOD!" So I stopped.

I used to be on a swim team. But again, before I realized why, I found myself not wanting to join a team again, despite my deep love of swimming, because others were better than I was.

I used to be a music major. Now there are many reasons why I quit that program, but I think it took it's toll. Music is one of my refuges in life, but I haven't really put myself out there to perform or sing very much. Want to know why? Because I was told too much in my year as a music major that my voice was ugly, or that I did things wrong.

I never learned to cook because I was scared of burning, overcooking, undercooking, not setting the table right, or making a mess.

So without knowing it, I've built up this paralyzing fear of messing up. Not in everything, mind you. I take risks in some areas, and it seems to be okay for the most part. But in a lot of things, I am just too afraid to try. I didn't even know I had this sickening problem until this last year where I've fallen in love with someone who respects me and thinks the world of me. Tom doesn't love me less if I don't sing right or if I write dramatically or if I don't win the race.

In fact, he's encouraging me to try more, be bold and brave. Pursue that shelled up dream that may crash and burn, and if it does so what?!

Basically, I'm married to the best man, and I'm so lucky to have him. He makes me want to be better and try harder, and not just in the things I'm good at. Isn't that the greatest?

So this is my message of the day to you: be brave! Be courageous and confident. It's a process, we're all learning, so be kind to each other. We can do hard things.

4 months, and other appropriate mushiness

Tomorrow, Tom and I will have been married for 4 months. We both feel like it's been way longer, like we've always been married. It just feels so natural to be together, like we've always been together. And can I just say that married life is the best. If you ask Tom he'll always joke how dumb it was being engaged. Yes it was fun, but you've already made that commitment to be with them forever, it just hasn't been quite solidified yet. Anyways, the point is that we both really prefer being married to being single, dating, or being engaged.

And wow, 4 months! Time sure flies. We've been through a lot, and if it's any indication of how our future will be, boy am I in for a fun, beautiful, amazing ride!

In 4 months we've celebrated holidays together.

He has forgiven me at least 4 times. More like 4 a day.

We have stopped whatever we're doing to say "we are so weird". Again, this happens about 4 times a day.

I've cooked at least 4 successful meals and found a Tom fave: chicken spaghetti.

We've gone on way more than 4 super fun and cheap dates that are definitely in my top favorites.

We've made chocolate chip pancakes many times 4 times.

We've gone through 4 TV's. Don't worry, we finally have a functioning TV for those rare occasions when we sit to watch a movie.

I've had 4 'mid life crises' where I decide to change my major and everything else with it.

4 times my patient husband has brought me back down and helped me see the big picture, so I didn't change my major again.

We've said I love you at least 4 times a day. More like 56 but that's not a '4' number so...

We've established 4 goals for our life (at least) that we are devoted to and working towards with all that we do.

We've worked out together together 4 times a week on our best week.

Marrying you was the best choice I've ever made, and I am grateful to Heavenly Father every day for you as the greatest blessing I'll ever receive.

*insert loud and long cat call*
Do you see those muscles?

Don't get me started on the eyes.

Thanks to Cami for capturing our first "family photo"!

I love you forever, hunky babe.

What else do you do in your sweats?

No, that post about Thanksgiving never came, and it probably won't happen, so I apologize to my small group of readers, and hope you'll forgive me.

This is a post-workout post. We just finished a cycling class that kicked my butt I'm every way except literally, and now I'm siding getting off my bum to do dishes and make the bed. (The one we'll be getting back into in a couple of hours, yes that bed.)

I don't have much to say, but things are good. Sometimes I look around at my apartment, my life, and feel overwhelmingly blessed. I have so much work to do and so many ways to improve, and still Heavenly Father sees fit to bless me with oh so much. I just don't understand it! I have my best friend as my eternal companion, the one who forgives and serves and loves me for reasons I'll never know.

We're entering finals week, so life is stressful at the Cook house. Tyson is coming on Tuesday, as our first house guest! Christmas is so close we can almost taste it! I know Tom will ask me to read this post to him so I can't spill the beans on what the Mr will be receiving, but I think it will be a very good Christmas for both of us.

And now, pictures.

Ward Christmas party!

At the BYU I Christmas concert with Nathan Pachenco. It was such a good concert and a great night! Even if my blow dryer did poop out on me right before, we still made it. #survivors

I donated plasma for the first time this week and it wasn't awful! Just trying to bring in that dough where we can..

I made these letters out of cereal boxes! I'm anxious to get fabric mod podged on them and hang them up. This, my friends, is being resourceful.

We absolutely love our Christmas tree! More on the evolution of the tree later.

Back to reality, no thank you.

We had SUCH a great time in Texas for the Thanksgiving break. Being a very large family, it's chaotic, and loud, and there is always a lot going on. And I love it. Of course there are challenges, but as soon as you're away from all of it, you just miss it. As we drove away, Jeff said "I already miss Texas". Ironically, we still had 11 hours left to drive through just Texas, but I knew exactly what he meant. I already miss my family so much and can't wait to be with them all again.

Just as with any vacation, it was very hard to come back to reality. Especially after a week long vacation, and a super long drive there and back which kind of screwed up our sleeping schedule. Tom was sick, and when the alarm went off on Monday morning, I just couldn't do it. Mostly laziness, and a lot of being tired, but we'll just ignore my bad decision making here. I worked from home which was really nice, and allowed me to take care of Tom and get more rest myself.

So that was weird, that Monday of working from home. Thus began one of the weirdest weeks!

Tuesday was a fairly normal day, until the evening when we were forced to notice our biggest trial that we had been subconsciously ignoring. I guess every newly married couple goes through financial struggles, right? Well now is our time, for real. Oh boy. But, in a way this trial was the answer to a really dumb prayer of mine. Anyways, enough woe is me. Tuesday night was really hard, but we are doing great!

Wednesday I woke up early to finish making cookies for a work thing. Except that they weren't even cookies, and I couldn't get the chocolate to melt right and they looked like little turd balls. Please excuse the visual. They were peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate, and boy was it frustrating. Then, as Tom's alarm went off, the power shut off from Firth to Rexburg. For those of you a little behind on your Southeast Idaho geography, that's quite a space - about 50 minutes driving time, and a lot of people were affected. I went to work to make sure nobody else was there, which was super scary. But don't worry, I had a flashlight (that's what we call acting on a prompting) to help me navigate the abandoned halls.

Miracle of miracles, all of Tom's classes were cancelled one by one. (Just a note, BYU-Idaho has never in the history of their existence from the time they were Bannock Stake Academy in 1888, have they ever cancelled class/work a whole day. They will cancel classes one at a time and then resume normal schedules when the power is on or whatever. History lesson over.) Which meant that my poor sick husband got to stay home and rest, which he desperately needed. Plus, who wants to go outside when it's -9 degrees? Not I, said the cow. We took a nap, then when the power came back on I went to work. A couple hours later I came home, we watched Forever Strong as part of one of Tom's assignments, and we did a lot of productive things. It was a weird, but really good day.

And today, well today hasn't been weird. It's just been a good day.

Even if it was still in the negatives when I walked to work. What's the real difference between -9 and -6 anyway? I mean, is there a greater evil here? I'm rambling.

Happiest of birthdays to sweet Madison Lynn Weston, who is 3 years old today! Madi is the sweetest little girl ever, and I loved soaking in her sweet spirit over Thanksgiving. We love you, Madi cakes!

So anyways, I guess that all this just means that I'm bored while I watch Tom practice his routine for teaching in class tomorrow, and I'm avoiding doing the dishes. What about you, anyone else having Thanksgiving hangover? Thank goodness it's almost the weekend.

Oh and I'm donating plasma tomorrow for the first time, so, there's that. Gotta rake in that money somehow.

Okay I'll stop now before this rambling gets out of hand (no comments about how that already happened on paragraph 11).

Our usual apology, update, and disappearance.

I seem to have a pretty good pattern going of getting on my blog after too long, apologizing for not writing more frequently (though to be honest...what's it to you?), a lengthy update of our life sans pictures, and then I disappear for at least a week.

Not that it's a problem, because there really isn't a whole lot going on in our lives. That's not true, actually. There is a lot. But I guess I just don't find it exciting enough to think that other people would want to read about it? Anyways...I'm adding another portion to the outline and adding "rambling" as a sub-category to each part.

Now on to the update.

Honestly, there's not much else on my mind except this: being with almost my entire family in Texas in just a few days. The opportunity to go to Texas is a miracle, and as time went on the party grew. Now all of my siblings (minus Elder Andersen, who will be dearly missed) and their families will be there (except Kenny, who will also be dearly missed). Last time that happened? August 14, 2013. AKA the day I was wed to my love. Next time we thought that would happen again? The next time a child got married. It is thrilling to be all together, and boy do we have things planned! I'll  do my best to document this very well and do re-caps of each day, because every day is going to be so fun!

But other than the anticipation and preparation of leaving for Texas, life is pretty normal! I have been reading a LOT lately. I finished Pres. Hinckley's biography and was deeply touched by what I read. Changed, is the better word. Then on Monday I picked up Stephanie Nielson's "Heaven is Here", which I had been waiting and waiting to check out from the library. I finished it last night, and today I checked out "Joseph Smith History by his mother Lucy Mack Smith". I have a goal to read biographies/books on all the prophets.

Also, am I the only one who checks books out from the library anymore? Don't answer that. I just can't see a good reason to pass up free books. And a whole lot of them too.

Unfortunately, we did not land the position as managers for our complex. We had a wonderful interview, but felt that it was already decided when they came over to interview us. Come to find out, we had some STEEP competition. But we are happy with the people that were chosen, we love the Silva's!

Tom is still doing amazing in school. He stays busy between homework, classes, work, volunteering, and class projects, but he still finds time to be with me.

In fact, last Friday was date night and I knew he had a lot going on, so I wasn't expecting him to stop school stuff for the whole night. But he did. We started at 5:30, beginning with a trip to this quaint used book store owned by a man with a British accent. We stopped at Broulim's for humus and a treat, then dropped in to Great Harvest for a free slice of pumpkin chocolate chip bread. When we came home, the chili in the crock pot was done, filling our apartment and the hallway with the smell that just makes you feel cozy! Then we watched a movie on Netflix. But wait, it doesn't stop there. When the movie was over, it was still only 8:30, so Tom says "Let's go to the Craze!" If you'll remember, we live above the Craze. But I've never been inside it! So we went with a plan to spend a dollar on "Deal or No Deal" game. Yeah, that didn't happen. 6 dollars and an hour later, we left with a few hundred ticket's worth of candy, and very happy.

I love my husband. I love that he loves me and that we have so much stinkin' fun together! From the beginning what attracted me to Tom (other than his incredible eyes and big muscles and nice hair and great smile and...sorry I'll stop) was how much fun we had, and so easily! We had the same sense of weird humor, and I immediately felt very comfortable around him. Marriage has only amplified that for us, and I am grateful every day for how he makes me laugh and smile all the time.

Saturday, after a productive day, we decided to build a fort in the living room, complete with our bedroom mattress. And no good fort is complete without delicious food, so I whipped up chocolate chip pancakes and we ate them in our fort while we watched 13 Going On 30.

Yeah, I've got it real good.

Oh so blessed.

Since we've been married, I've thought a lot about all the opportunities that are here in Rexburg for us. And just in all areas life, at this point in time. We have so much ahead of us - moving, grad school, children, different jobs along the way, big tests, and unexpected things. Probably.

And it's kind of overwhelming to look at all the opportunities and think which ones are for us? We've prayed for that every day - for the Lord to help us know which ones we should go for, which ones we're qualified for...etc.

It's been an interesting experience. We've had several opportunities come our way, some which we took, others which we didn't. For example, I had the chance to be the coach of the competitive swim team. Almost took it. Got it. Then turned it down.

But here's what's going down in the Cook home lately:

Tom applied and had an interview for an internship on campus next semester. I do get jealous sometimes, hearing about people going cool places for a summer for their internship, but I'm really grateful that we have this chance. It's a paid internship with the school's Biggest Winner program (much like Biggest Loser, but we're more optimistic), and it is Tom's absolute dream job. Watching him get so excited about it just makes me happy. I got to help Tom build his resume, write a cover letter, and work through potential interview situations. It was super fun cause I'm a nerd and love that kind of stuff. And he NAILED his interview. We should hear if we got it or not next week, so pray for us!

Today we had our interview to be the apartment managers. It would be SWEET. Free rent and utilities, a bigger apartment WITH REAL WINDOWS, Y'ALL. Plus it would be a really awesome to get to know the people in our ward better, and to learn lots of really great skills that would be super useful for our future. We'll find out tomorrow if we got it or not....we're not feeling super strongly about this one because of our limited time in Rexburg, but we are confident that the Lord has a plan! And if this doesn't work out, there will be some other way to help us save/earn money.

We've been looking at grad schools and have it narrowed down to 3, essentially. 2 in Texas, 1 in Utah. Our families are rooting for their respective states, and we are torn ourselves. Except for that we don't want to go to the University of Utah. Time will tell!

I have changed positions at work recently (I may have mentioned that before), and am loving my new responsibilities SO much. That's not sarcasm, I really do love it. But I am getting the feeling that it's time to leave that office. I've been in the Online Learning department for over 3 years now, and all but 8 months of that in the same place, my beloved Online Support Center. Since I graduate in 2 semesters anyway, I've been looking for potential new jobs. I don't have a reason to leave the OSC that I would talk about on a public blog, but it's just that time, you know? So lots of potential jobs I'm looking at right now, and it's really exciting, but uncomfortable too.

Tom wishes for me to mention that we could be in the market for a new hamster, see the last post.

Ha, good one Tom.

We are so blessed, and oh so happy. La vie a Chez Cook est magnifique!

Visiting Another Cage

When pets of small children die, some parents tell the children that their pet went to another farm, or something like that, in order to avoid delivering the bad but true news that their beloved pet died.

Well, there are no children in this household, but we're still saying that our Mrs. Choice is "visiting another cage". Yes, Mrs. Choice is dead. It was actually pretty awful! I walked into our room after our date night to the temple, and I see our hamster laying in an unusual position. "Choice, are you dead?" I ask joking, because I always say that to our hamster if he's not moving. When I realized he very well could be, I called to Tom "Hun, I think Choice is dead..."

Tom came running in and looked at Choice, then opened the lid and Choice still hadn't moved...then he nudged him with the wooden tunnel he was laying under, and sure enough....rigamortis.

It was kind of a shocking moment. I mean, I can't say I was heart broken, but just really confused! But because we like to be funny, we dramatized the situation. We placed little Choice in my old phone box and kept him there for the night until we could give him a proper burial.

On Sunday, Kenna joined us and we brought Choice up to a potato field past the temple. It was literally freezing and the wind was being typical of itself, so we didn't want to take a long time. Tom used one of our crappy old pots we're giving to D.I. to bury a hole, and laid the casket inside. We stood around the circle and each tried not to laugh as we 'said a few words'. Then we each dramatically threw a handful of dirt on the casket. Then we completely buried it, though I'm not sure how effective that will be once they begin tilling the ground for post-harvest...don't think about it.

We're sad to have lost Choice after such a short time, but we will not be finding a replacement hamster. We have too much on our plates right now to worry about buying another hamster, and would rather save 'second pet' for a puppy or something. One day...when we get out of here.

But we would like to express public sarcastic thanks to those who expressed sarcastic condolences, and dramatically mourned with us.

R.I.P., Mrs. Choice.