1 month

Ian is (over) 1 month old! It has been for sure the hardest, most incredible month of my life. I didn't know that I had the capacity to do what I've been doing - being a mom is hard! The first two weeks were difficult because I was supposed to be recovering but didn't really take it as easy as I should have, so I was in a lot of pain when I didn't need to be. Stupid! Lesson learned.

Also, I didn't know I could function so well when I'm so tired. (I guess that's up for debate, I haven't ventured to ask anyone if I'm up to my own par) I also didn't know I could be so tired. But my body is adapting to this new life of not sleeping as much as I used to, and I'm happy to change.

Things about Ian this first month:

Breastfeeding has been a challenge. It's just been this last week/week and a half that I feel like we're doing this how we need to do it. I'm getting to know Ian better and reading him better, which is a good thing for everyone. We do have to give him formula in addition to breast feeding but he takes a bottle very well, and doesn't seem to have a preference to formula or breast milk necessarily. This is nice because Tom can feed him and have some bonding time too, which he enjoys.

This is the bather we use (it's upside down, sorry!). If you'll notice, there's a nasty big yellow blob up at the top (which is actually the bottom). Ian loves the tub, he finds it very relaxing. TOO relaxing - almost every night he pees and twice now he has pooped in the tub! This was last night's clean up, thanks little dude. Actually more like thanks DADDY who took care of it when I forgot.

Ian really liked his binky for the first two weeks but now he doesn't take it so well. That's okay with me - he will very rarely take it if he gets really desperate. He sucks on that thing HARD, it's hilarious!

He likes to have his hands up on his face as much as possible, and likes to suck on his hands/fingers from time to time, which I find adorable.

I'm not sure who loves this more, Ian or Tom!

This was after his first bath, he just kept his mouth open as if saying "WOW! This tub time stuff is awesome!"

Not very often, but sometimes Ian will let me take a nap with him all snuggled up to me like this. Not for very long, but it's been some of my favorite quiet moments with my son.

Ian has issues with being gassy a lot, though it's getting a lot better. We have to get creative sometimes when he's so worked up about the gas, which means trying different methods of burping. We call this burping technique "The Sloth Hold", and Ian doesn't mind it a bit!

Sometimes he will sit in his boppy and just be so calm and quiet, allowing me to get things done. Win win!

This was taken after a very long night. I was really tired and evidently so was Ian! I don't remember thinking that he would necessarily enjoy this position, but I was out of it. He fell asleep, giving me a bit of time for a nap too, and I guess Tom snapped this picture before he left for class.

We are flying to Texas in 8 days (!!!!) and I'm a little bit super scared to fly with a 5, almost 6 week old. We've been practicing using our Moby wrap (it's actually just jersey cloth given to me by my MIL, cut the same as a Moby wrap but a fraction of the cost - score!). Ian wasn't too sure about it at first but we're working on it. There isn't really another option, so it has to work haha! Actually, he is currently in the wrap sleeping against me as I write this. So I'd say things are getting better.

Ian has mostly grown out of newborn clothes (except the pants, those fit him much better), which I have mixed feelings about. He only stayed in newborn diapers for about two and a half weeks, and as of late has been displaying some nice rolls, a double chin, and hefty "jowls" as my Dad would call his big, kissable cheeks.

He has had two blowouts, and they weren't bad at all. Knock on wood!

We already had our first out-of-state experience with Ian when we went to Utah for Thanksgiving with Tom's family. He did well in the car, but adjusting to a different place seemed to throw him off. Thankfully he's back in a groove - just in time to leave again, oh joy.

As for me, I'm adjusting. I have started walking on the indoor track with him in the jogging stroller this week, trying to very slowly ease back into an active lifestyle and begin prep for half marathon training! (My goal is to complete a half marathon in 2015). I may or may not have gone 5 days without showering, I guess you'll just have to assume I didn't. The first two weeks consisted of a LOT of tears and some breakdowns, thank goodness for Tom. I can count on one hand the number of times I've gotten dressed completely with hair and makeup done. I can't eat chocolate (sad) but Ian seems to be pretty tolerable of most everything else I eat, and I hope that when I get brave enough to slowly introduce chocolate back into my life, he'll be okay with it - fingers crossed!

But, I have never been happier. I have a new found confidence that I didn't know existed, and I feel like my head is on totally straight and that being Ian's mom is coming naturally to me as I prayed it would. I have felt God's love for me, His guiding hand, so often. I know that my new job of Mom is the most important one I could have, and that my success as a mother is important to Heavenly Father. He loves Ian as much as He loves me, and He wants us both to be happy - He won't let me fail! I am so grateful for that, and for the sacred moments I have had over the last month that confirm to me that God and His son Jesus Christ live and love me! What a powerful thing to know.

Tom and I have this moment several times a day where we're both looking at him and we look at each other and say "Is that really our baby?" I was just getting used to the reality that yes, Tom and I really are married to each other and I'm not dreaming, and now we have this angel baby with us! It's all very surreal. We think our baby is the most handsome sweet boy in the world. We love his sleepy smiles and funny faces that he often pulls, we love his cute little noises, and most especially how close to heaven he is. We love our Ian boy!